I don’t even like admitting that since we DEF did not lose to Eastern Michigan.
Um, obvi? SOMEONE SWITCHED THE SCORES.
Should I call the police?
OK, while all that’s going on? We should talk about Morgan State.
Does this team even exist anymore, or did those pussies quit football?
Hello? I ALWAYS expect Rutgers to win 65-0?
But my insides literally QUAKED when Johnathan Lewis ran in his fifth touchdown.
Um, Kyle Bolin?
Um, did you hear? Kyle Bolin STILL has not accepted my Facebook friend request.
BUT, Johnathan Lewis did…LITERALLY ON THE SAME NIGHT I SENT IT.
Um, then he liked a picture of me from two years ago?
Obvi, I looked cute, but…
Staying true to journalistic code, I’m going to offer what I hope will happen disguised as a prediction.
I think Rutgers is about to go FULL MARYLAND and run QB Johnathan Lewis from the “hot”gun with Gus Edwards and Robert Martin as split backs.
Tell me that’s a bad idea.
Kyle Bolin? He can play slot receiver and fuck undergrads if he wants, ew.
OK, moving on…
OMG, did you read?
That take is so weak, the tab literally froze in my browser.
Duh, RUTGERS IS GOING TO KICK THE SHIT OUT OF NEBRASKA.
OMG, this team is so sad to me.
Who coaches Nebraska again?
Also, is it just me, or does Tanner Lee look like Darth Vader in that helmet?
Do you remember when Nebraska was good?
Me neither. I WASN’T BORN IN THE 40’S.
Also? Nebraska lost to Northern Illinois last week.
Like, is it even possible NOT to blow this team out?
TBH, I hope we don’t.
Seriously, Nebraska people are so nice. Have you met them?
Unfortunately I expect Rutgers to EMBARASSS Nebraska as Coach Jerry Kill’s rushing attack, featuring NEW BF(F?) Johnathan Lewis, gashes the “Black Shirts” on the ground.
BUT. If Kyle Bolin starts at QB, then maybe Rutgers will win too.
OMG LOVE YOU BOTH.
Thank you SO much for reading, it means the world~