OK, first of all, I am DYING that Rutgers lost in week one.
Like, granted, no one wins EVERY game? Not even Rutgers?
I am PERFECTLY willing to accept that.
But losing to Washington? That is literally the definition of impossible.
OK now that that’s over with… this week’s game is SO INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS that I feel like it is kind of beneath us to talk about…
I want to spend, like, two minutes MAX writing about Eastern Michigan.
Hello? This school is so sad to me.
First of all, where is it?
Like, when I hear Eastern Michigan, I think of…a lake?
Wait, Detroit is in eastern Michigan. Right?
WOW. Are they going to have to take a Greyhound bus to get here?
Actually, I hear the beaches in Michigan are really nice.
But don’t a lot of Trump supporters live there? Um, ew.
(Not to mention — THE SHORE IS SO MUCH BETTER??)
Luckily, Rutgers is playing Eastern Michigan in New Jersey, where people do not walk around in white robes, Jesus.
Eastern Michigan. Didn’t they lose to Appalachian Trail a few years ago?
It is actually kind of sad how badly Rutgers is going to destroy Eastern Michigan this weekend.
Like, I don’t even want to talk about it any more. It reminds me of when people would ask me about the election last year, and I would say, “HILARY IS GOING TO WIN BIG, DUH.”
Actually, it’s a really similar situation, because anyone who disagrees with me must be a secret Trump supporter from Michigan.
Most of the time I can get excited about any Rutgers game. But I feel like I have to protest this one.
Also, hello? Did I mention? I got SCAMMED last week on my game tickets.
LOL! I literally bought them off craigslist. But when I tried to use them at the stadium, they wouldn’t scan.
I actually think me not being there is why Rutgers lost.
It was LITERALLY the first home game I have missed in like a billion years.
I had to walk to the bar and watch it with all these creepy guys who kept hitting on me.
I was like, duh, no thank you? SAVING THIS FOR KYLE BOLIN.
I predict the final score this weekend is going to be something enormous.
I would put a number on it, but I don’t want to talk over the heads of people from Detroit…
OK, one quick prediction: Janarion Grant is going to have a billion punt return yards.
Thank you SO MUCH for reading, it means the world!