Punny Restaurants College Football Players Have Opened

In honor of the opening of AJIAN, a culturally sensitive fast-casual Tuscaloosa sushi restaurant co-owned by former Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron, here’s a look at other punny restaurants and bars former college football stars have opened.

Antwaan Randle-Al Dente: One of the only good pasta restaurants in Indiana history.

Timmichanga’s: When you’re June Jonesin’ for some Tex-Mex.

Loaf of Tatupu: The Los Angeles bakery is a hidden gem.

The Chesson People: A classic Jehuish deli.

Taco Ball and Stocco Bell: The battle for Madison’s best late-night tacos wages on.

Shonn and Ahman’s Green Smoothies: Smoothie by committee.

LaDainian’s Omelet Fun: The eggs are a little runny, but there’s a ball pit for the kids.

Jeff’s Smoker: Barbe-Q-B.

Ndamukong Sushi: Nebraska’s only kill-and-eat seafood restaurant.

Broilin’ Edwards: The #1 steakhouse in Michigan.

The Ohio State Bar: Drinks are stiffer than an OSU defense, so Pace yourself on those Ginn and tonics. Some gamble on artsy shots of Goldschlicter, while others tip back with Braxton High Life. They also have the best draft picks in the Big Ten, including Vonn Bell’s Cover Two Hearted Ale. For wine lovers, we recommend the ‘02 Clarett. Saturday brunch features bottomless mibosas, and they’ve got Vrabel TV with all the games. Come in after midnight and cheer on Terrelle Pryor as he buys Buckeyes cheerleaders Eli Appletinis from the cornerback bar. You might even see a Hooker.  

Golden Tater Tots: Drunk Domers gobble em up.

Ka’Deem Carry Out: Hold onto that styrofoam container with both hands.

Leonte Carrousing: The New Brunswick townie bar is known for getting rowdy, but don’t overlook their delicious Britt oven pizzas.

Kain’s Cold Cuts: “A collective bargain,” says UAW President Dennis Williams.

Kevin Hogan’s Heroes: Palo Alto’s only WWII-themed sandwich shop.

Nathan’s Veal House: Long a target of Champaign animal rights activists.

Ryan’s Palate: Go deep fried!

Darren McFatten: Arkansas linemen are practically required to eat here, just don’t sit in Bielema’s booth.

The Griese Spoon: West Lafayette’s is better than Ann Arbor’s.

Zoltan Meskulun: The Ross Business School grad is punting on football and cashing in on the fast-casual salad trend.

Kellen Winslow and Slow: “We’re fucking soldiers fighting a war against hunger.”

Jamison Chowder: Famous for their Durham-style.

All LSU Can Eat:Think you have enough chest to eat at Baton Rouge’s favorite buffet? Then grab a Tray’Davion and don’t by shy–Les is not more. Sandwiches include the classic Po’cic boy, Rueben’s reuben, and an Odelicious Beckham and cheese. Build you own Mettenburger and go back for seconds. Mawae not? Everyone loves a rematch at LSU, but what if you get rolled by the Tide and need comfort food? Oozing Rohan Gravy, the pot pie is to Addai for. And Arby’s fans will recognize bayou takes on familiar classics. You can now drench your grub in Dorsey sauce and derail your promising professional career by downing too many JaMarcus Shakes. With all that salt, you’ll need a cold glass of Guice water or a bottle of Steltzer. If you’re looking for more flavor, try a Barkevious Mango lassi or skip dessert and leave early after a glass of Leonard Fernet.

Note: David Boston Market and Austin Appleby’s were forced to close after receiving cease and desist letters.


Image by Lily Gilding