Pre-Snap Reads: The Fake Punt Previews Weak Six of Big Ten Football

Two rivals, both alike in malignity,

In fair middle America, where we lay our scene

from ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

where civil blood make civil hands unclean.

Yes, Illinois and Iowa play today. Here’s a preview of the rest of the weak sex action.

Noon

Penn State -14.5 @ Northwestern

Late in last week’s Northwestern game, we saw the convergence of one of the year’s worst plays and one of the best. Now we have the convergence of one of the country’s best teams and one of the Big Ten’s most disappointing. McSorley and Barkley combine for four TD passes to each other.

Illinois @ Iowa -18

Ew, gross. Stanley steems the Illini.

 

Afternoon

Minnesota @ Purdue -3.5

Don’t win one for Joe, Purdue. Win eight. Here’s number two on the year. And oh hey, Markell Jones!

Charleston Southern +$750,000 @ Indiana

Whatever happens on the field, Charleston Southern’s balance sheet is the real winner here. At least the Hoosiers can afford it.

Maryland +30.5 @ OSU

If this game between the Buckeyes and the B1G’s second-most-odious interloper is anything like last week’s game between the Bucks and the most odious interloper, then its garbage time stats will decide most of the fantasy matchups in our league. More Haskins please!

 

Evening

Michigan State @ Michigan -10.5

Shame on Jim Hackett for rescheduling Michigan State after such a humiliating home loss in 2015. It’s like Dave Brandon rescheduling App State all over again. No wonder they were both fired. Michigan wins unsatisfactorily.

Wisconsin -11.5 @ Nebraska

Mike Riley says the key to the game is establishing the run. But he’s just being nice, and anyway, Regular Badger don’t give a fuck. Most people still think a Wisconsin QB can’t pass, but Alex Hornibrook ain’t your daddy’s UW passer. And you’d be wrong to hold the son responsible for the Wisconsins of the father. Badgers run up the score on the Nebbish defense.